Akatsuki Summer Beach House
by AkiraDawn
Summary: What happens when the Akatsukis spend a week at the beach? Read if you're into something totally funny! Rated M as a safety, language R&R!
1. Chapter 1 The Beach Trip

Akatsuki Summer Beach House

A/N: If you read One Week With the Akatsukis You will definitely enjoy this…if you didn't you'll still enjoy this. Oh, and I don't own Naruto…

Some background…

Every summer the Akatsukis go to 'the leader's' beach house. They always stay for a week and even though they always end up killing each other on the drive down they always have a great time. Ah yes, the Akatsukis, the beach and driving…this out to get interesting…

"Okay is everyone packed, because I'm leaving with the 'the leader's' sweet ass Cadillac CTS without you people if you're not packed!" Well, it was obvious that Itachi was already in a wonderful mood as he yelled to his fellow Akatsukis. Deidara came bumbling through the living room dragging a huge ass suitcase behind him and three additional bags. He and Itachi always packed the most. Itachi's stuff was lined up by the door.

"I'm ready, yeah. I packed a hairdryer." Deidara reassured Itachi.

"That's nice, Deidara." Itachi was uninterested and he yelled for Sasori, Kisame, and Zetsu to get their shit and get in the living room. The others finally emerged with luggage. Only Itachi and Deidara had multiple suitcases, everyone else had only packed one.

"Oh my god! Do you think we'll totally get checked out in the car like we did last year?" Sasori asked reminiscing to last year's trip when they tried to cram four girls in the backseat.

"Hell yeah! All eyes will be on us!" Itachi opened their front door with excitement only to be horribly disappointed. "Oh my god…what the FUCK is this!" Everyone was looking at the sight before them. What they saw was a 2005 light blue Chrysler Town and Country mini van. Everyone seemed slightly shocked…it wasn't the 'sweet ass' CTS… Sasori opened the drivers side door to see if this was indeed 'the leader's' vehicle. Keys were in the ignition and there was a note on the seat:

Boys – I traded in my CTS. There's liquor in the back. Enjoy!

-the Leader

"Hey! We can pack more stuff, yeah!" Deidara said enthusiastically dragging luggage to be loaded.

"Deidara, I swear if you pack another thing I will rip that yellow pony tail right off your head!" Itachi said. Everyone dealt with the fact that they were driving a mini van to the beach. They opened up the back.

"Oh my god…look." Zetsu said pointing to the bumper sticker on the van:

#1 Soccer Dad.

"I had no idea 'the leader' had any kids." Kisame said. The license plate in the back read: AKTSUKI.

"Itachi-san. Look at the bright side, yeah. We can fit more girls in this van, yeah."

"Deidara, that's the first intelligent this you've said this week. Okay, so who's driving?" Itachi asked. Naturally, Dediara was the first to volunteer to drive, however he had nearly killed them all last time he drove…so that was out.

"I'll dirve." Zetsu said.

"Okay, I call co pilot. I'm in charge of the maps." Itachi said. And so the Akatsukis were completely loaded and ready for the trip. Kisame climbed in the back bench seat while Sasori and Deidara sat in the bucket seats behind Zetsu and Itachi. Now, Zetsu wasn't the best driver in the world but he could make it work. By the time he was at the end of their road, he had already slammed the brakes 5 times. Once on the highway Itachi began searching through 'the leader's' CD collection.

"You know 'the leader's' taste in music surprises me…Brittany Spears, Barbara Streisand Live, James Taylor Greatest Hits, Ultimate Dance Hit's of the Early 90's, and The Village People. What the hell is he thinking?"

"I know! Barbara Streisand Live sucks ass!" Kisame said.

"Thank you!" Itachi said.

Ah, yes and they were off! In 10 hours they would arrive at the beach house…


	2. Chapter 2 Arrival

"And give a siiiiiiiiiign hit me baby one more time, yeah! My loneliness is killing me…"

"Oh my god! Shut the fuck up! I am going to come back there and personally _kill you_ if you don't shut the hell up! Itachi wasn't really into Deidara's Britney Spears sing along. Of course, of all the Akatsukis he would be the one to have no shame in singing with Britney. The long ride to the beach house was almost over. The van would totally need a brake job when they got it back home. Zetsu was big on riding the brakes. Yes, the last 20 miles of the beach trip was the point when everyone nearly killed each other. Kisame was ready to knock Zetsu in the head because he was getting so car sick from his constant breaking. Deidara wanted to punch Sasori in the face because they always managed to get in some kind of stupid and pointless art argument. Now they were fighting over the stylistic techniques of Andy Warhol. Zetsu wanted to kill Itachi because he obviously didn't know how to read a road atlas and had gotten them lost 4 times. However, the time had come…the road to the beach house was in view. Everyone finally shut up.

"Oh my god! I can't believe we're almost there! As soon as we get unpacked I'm totally hitting the ocean and swimming like 4 miles!" Kisame declared from the back. At this point, it was 5:00 pm.

"Well, I'm unpacking and hitting the sand…I can't wait to get in the sand…sand…oh the sand…" Every time they went to the beach, Sasori always felt right at home on the beach. It reminded him of the Sand Country.

"I'm going to hit the beach to you know, 'scout'. Deidara you in?" Itachi asked. It was funny, he screamed at him one moment then invited him to do shit with him the next. Oh, and to clarify, the term scout meant watch the females and decide who they were going to invite up to the house for the party at the end of the week…or that night.

"I'm going to clip money saving coupons from all the tourist hot spot books that the housekeepers provide! I'm doing that on the beach of course." Zetsu said.

"Remember the time we went to the beach after I first joined Akatsuki, yeah? You all totally thought I was a girl until I wore something other than our robe, yeah!" Deidara said.

"Yes, I'll never forget that…unfortunately… because you weren't wearing anything!" Zetsu yelled. Finally, the van came to a screeching halt in front of the beach house. It was a nice place and the very best part is that was a 4 bedroom. Every year, Kisame and Zetsu agreed to stay in the same room so Sasori wouldn't kill Deidara and Itachi could get laid constantly. The all poured out of the band and began the tedious unpacking process. Sasori was in charge of unloading the booze that 'the leader' had sent with them. Zetsu unlocked the house and the place looked great. Itachi and Deidara were the last to unload their crap, since they brought the most. Zetsu had already zeroed in on the giant stack of magazines and coupon books.

"Sweet, the pool is ready we are so gonna score in there." Itachi had already assessed the entire house. It was also agreed that Sasori would make a liquor run before he came to the beach. Deidara soon emerged beach towel and colossal bag of reading material in hand.

"Okay, I'm ready, yeah. Come on Itachi." Itachi stared at him…he hated it that Deidara almost had a better body than him.

"Where did you get those trunks?" Itachi demanded.

"Calvin Klein Summer catalog pg. 41 letter C color smoked coal, yeah." Itachi rolled his eyes in jealous disgust.

"I get to wear them tomorrow those would look better on me and you know it." Itachi said.

Now the Akatsukis had arrived at their destination. The events of the evening aren't nearly as exciting as the events that happen when they have a full day to get in trouble and do completely idiotic things.


	3. Chapter 3 Setting Up

Itachi crept slowly and quietly into Deidara's bedroom. His suitcase was open. So Itachi helped himself. It should be made clear that Itachi and Deidara were always…._always_ taking clothes from each other. Itachi knew that Deidara had other swim trunks in that suitcase and his curiosity had gotten the best of him. "That bastard." Itachi lipped to no one. He had found Deidara's micro fiber, ultra smooth and water resistant Michael Kors swim trunks. "Like he can actually pull off black and yellow." Itachi thought to himself. It was at this moment that a huge pile of items fell on Itachi from the closet shelf above him. "Oh! What the fuck is this?" Itachi yelled as various plastic pieces and plastic containers of Play-Doh hit him in the head. "What the hell? Play-Doh barber shop? Figures…stupid…plastic…scissors! What moron brings Play-Doh barber shop to the beach?" Itachi thought. Deidara started to stir and so Itachi quickly slipped out of the room.

Zetsu, Kisame and Sasori had only recently awoken and they were ready to hit the beach. The commotion had successfully awoken Deidara. Itachi quickly changed before Deidara could fight him out of the trunks.

"Are those new?" Sasori asked.

"Um…yes…yes they are….do I look hot?" Itachi asked.

"When do you not?" Sasori said. Itachi laughed lightly.

"True." Zetsu was outside floating in the pool and Kisame was sitting on the deck talking to him. The ocean could be seen in the distance.

"Itachi! I was going to wear those today, yeah!" Deidara said storming into the living room of the house with a towel wrapped around him.

"Well, you're not now. I figured yellow would work better for me than you."

"Alright then I'm getting in your suitcase, yeah." Deidara said making his way into Itachi's room.

"No! You stay out of my clothes!"

"See, this is what I like about me, Kisame and Zetsu…we don't give a shit." Sasori said getting up from the couch and going poolside to inform Kisame and Zetsu that they were ready to hit the beach. Deidara emerged.

"I'm so glad we wear the same size Itachi, yeah. This dark blue/light blue/ white combination really works for me, yeah." Itachi let out a silent scream but he decided not to fight about it right now. They really wanted to get to the beach. The five of them looked like cumbersome mothers toting beach paraphernalia for their children. Deidara had a giant bag of reading material, a huge ass umbrella and a sheet. Kisame had a 6 foot surf board (it's still a mystery as to how they got that in the minivan without it knocking someone out), a radio (because that's intelligent to have near the water) and a stack of towels. Sasori had three beach chairs a Frisbee and the 'family size' body of sunscreen. Zetsu had a huge ass cooler full of god knows what. Finally, Itachi had an elastic hair band…he had literally let his hair down (this is the part where we drool).

Now, the five of them setting up their beach stake out was rather…disorganized. Sasori was so anxious to start building sand castles that he dropped the chairs, sun block and the Frisbee in front of Itachi…fortunately he remembered his rage pill that morning so no one died. Deidara was the worst 'stick the umbrella in the sand sticker' there ever was. He never got it deep enough and it always leaned sideways. It was a giant umbrella with 'Akatsuki' written across the top…that wasn't obvious or anything. Zetsu was supposed to put the cooler down after Deidara spread out the sheet under the umbrella, but the wind always blew pretty hard across the beach and Deidara would go rolling around in the sheet screaming because he was stuck. Itachi was supposed to help Kisame drive the surf board in the sand but that never worked because Itachi was only 5' 8" and he couldn't ever reach the top of the board to steady it without jumping. Several dramatic moments later…their area of the beach was appropriately set up. They admired the rolling ocean before them and the group of 7 women that walked along the beach...the beach trip had officially begun. Sasori was preoccupied with sand castle construction and Deidara had taken off down the beach and decided to spend the morning sculpting birds. Besides, he had to outdo Sasori. Kisame hit the ocean to swim…again. Zetsu stayed with Itachi under the no obvious at all 'Akatsuki' umbrella to catch up on his reading.

"Itachi, what's in the bag?" he asked. Itachi started digging through the bag. "Hmmm… Nuclear and Hydrogen Bomb Making for Blondes, 'Good Housekeeping', Seven Easy Steps to World Domination, 'Field and Stream', Evil Schemes and Diabolical Plots, Kabuto's Diary…Kabuto's Diary? Damn, I'm so reading this later." Itachi said.

"Oh! I'll take that!" Zetsu said.

"Hold on there's more." Itachi said throwing books and magazines everywhere. "Danielle Steel's Lost in the Heat of Your Passion." Zetsu cut Itahci off.

"Oh my god! I must have that! I've wanted to read that!" Itachi handed the book over. "Oh here it is!" Itachi said. His choice of reading was Chicken Soup for the Misunderstood, Incredibly Sexy, Anti Social, Bipolar, Power-Hungry, Soul with Intense Rage, Parental Attachment and Sibling Rivalry Issues. It was good stuff…

For now we'll, leave our beloved Akatsukis and check in with their beach adventures a little later…


	4. Chapter 4 Surf's Up

Well, Deidara had successfully sculpted 37 different exotic species of sand birds and Sasori had played in the sand until his fingers were raw. Kisame had been swimming all morning long and he was still going at it. Itachi and Zetsu had finished reading, Itachi had already gotten 7 phone number from 7 different females and Zetsu was now trying to come to terms with the fact that his head looked like a giant Venus fly trap.

"You just don't get it Itachi-San! The reason all the women love you is because you have silky Pantene quality hair and a normal head! I look like a fucking plant…a plant Itachi!" Zetsu was having a moment indeed.

"Are you just now figuring this out?" Itachi asked.

"No! I mean yes! I mean I've always known I looked slightly photosynthetic…but my god now I know why all the other kids wouldn't play with me at recess…I know why I no one ever showed up at my birthday parties…oh my god…I'm spiraling! I'm spiraling!" Zetsu held his head in his hands.

"Um…there's a girl down there that has a head that looks like a sunflower…why don't you go talk to her." Itachi said. Zetsu quit crying.

"Oh my god! You are my best friend! You always know exactly what to say!" Zetsu hugged Itachi nearly squeezing him to death. It should be made clear that Itachi wasn't very huggable…especially when you looked like a plant. on Danna, yeah!" Deidara asked.

"No." Sasori answered dryly.

"Please Danna (Deidara calls him that for those of you who weren't sure why I put this in here it means master), it'll be fun, yeah!"

"No."

"Danna, danna, danna, danna, danna, danna…" Deidara whined.

"No! I am not going out there and riding waves with you!

12.5 seconds later

"I can not believe you talked me in to riding waves with you." Sasori grumbled as he followed a very delighted Deidara into the ocean. Now, please realize that when it came to dragging a six foot surf board into the waves Dediara wasn't the most coordinated. He had already been hit by three waves and nearly fell over each time and he kept turning sideways and hitting Sasori every time. "If you hit me with that board one more time…" Sasori was cut off by Deidara turning around and knocking Sasori over with the board.

"What did you say Sasori, yeah? Hey, did you fall down, yeah?" Deidara asked innocently. Sasori stood up and got slammed by a wave.

"Never mind…let's get this over with." Sasori said. The waves were fairly large and very 'surfable'.

"Okay, Sasori Danna, I'm going to lay down first and then you jump on top of me and we'll ride the wave in, yeah. Just make sure you hold on to the side of the board and your chest has to be over my ass so your feet don't hang off the end of the board, yeah." Deidara instructed. Sasori twitched and glared at Deidara.

"There is no way in HELL I am touching your ass with _any_ part of me. Let me on the board and you lay on me!"

"Hmmm….no that won't work, yeah, you can't guide the board, yeah." Deidara said. The two of them had already missed 4 killer waves.

"Well, you're doing this by yourself because I am so not doing that!"

37.2 seconds later

"I can not believe I'm getting this close to your ass!" Sasori was more than pissed. Deidara laughed; sometimes he was a little too secure with himself.

"Okay, now when I tell you to jump on me…you have to jump fast of we'll miss the wave, yeah." Well, three waves came and Deidara told Sasori to jump and every time Sasori missed and both of them managed to fall off the board and into the waves. Fortunately, Deidara had the board attached to him with one of those neat Velcro straps. By the 10th time…they got it right…sort of. The impact of the wave made them both wipe out in the sand. It gave a whole new meaning to the term 'sandy blonde'.

"Itachi! I look like a shark! Kisame said, his eyes round in amazement. Itachi closed his book and looked utterly pissed at Kisame.

"What did you think you looked like?"

"A fish! I mean a shark is a fish but the resemblance is uncanny! While I was swimming one swam up to me and we looked into each other's eyes and we swam together! Itachi! I have found where I belong." Kisame was having his moment…similar to Zetsu.

"You mean in the Akatsuki?" Itachi asked unamused.

"No! I'm going to be the next great shark researcher/impersonator!" Kismae declared.

"You are a fucking moron…now shut up…sit down and put this sun block on my back so I can go walk down the beach…wait never mind…I'll get _her _to put this on me.' With that, Itachi and his long black hair let Kisame. Zetsu soon returned to the staked out beach area only to see Kisame under the umbrella.

"Kisame! I met a girl who has a head that looks like a sunflower!"

"Zetsu…I look like a shark!" And they hugged each other.

Until later…I'll leave you with this image…


	5. Chapter 5 Pre Party Chaos

"Alright, last time we let Sasori mess around in the lighter fluid he nearly torched that huge tree in our yard. Zetsu, you light the fire, Kisame go get the wood for the fire pit, Sasori go make some dip….Deidara and I have a score to settle." Itachi said. Itachi glared at Deidara and sat down across from him underneath their umbrella covered table.

"Well, are you ready?" Itachi asked glaring at him.

"I'm ready, yeah." Deidara answered.

"You first." Itachi demanded.

"One, two, three, four….five, six seven….eight…..nine, yeah. Nine." Itachi smiled deviously.

"You only got nine hotel numbers of girls that would commit to our fire pit beach party tonight?"

"Yeah." Daidara answered.

"Did you tell them we had booze?" Itachi asked.

"Yeah."

"Did you tell them we had condoms?"

"Yeah."

"Did you tell them how incredibly hot I was?"

"Hmmm…no…but I did tell them we'd have dip. Oh! I hope it's onion dip, yeah. Don't you hope it's onion dip, yeah?" Itachi scowled.

"Nevermind, it's my turn."

"Oh, you wanted the ranch dip didn't you, yeah? Well, maybe Danna hasn't started…"

"Shut up! Forget my dip preference! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten….eleven. Beat your ass again!"

"Some one help me hang these tiki lights!" Kisame hollered all tangled up in decorative lighting. He had put wood in the fire pit and now Zetsu was going to light it. Itachi went to help with the tiki lights. Meanwhile, inside in the kitchen Sasori was having dip issues. "Oh my god! Do I make the fucking dill dip, the onion dip, the ranch dip, the honey fruit dip, the crab dip, the cheese dip, the salsa dip? Oh my god!" Sasori was flipping out.

"Oh, danna! Make all the dip, yeah!" Deidara had gone into the house to get all the floating pool crap. He had emerged hidden among plastic inflatables.

"What will we do with all that dip if I make it all?" Sasori asked.

"Itachi and I invited a lot of girls, yeah and girls love dip!" Deidara said tripping over himself as he made his way toward the pool. Sasori took Deidara's…less than practical advice and began working to make 7 different kinds of dip.

"Can't you hold it any higher?" Kisame demanded.

"No! I can't help it that you're 2 foot taller than me!" Itachi yelled back at him.

"What the hell's wrong with your bloodline? Why are you all so small? I mean have you seen your brother? He's 12 and he looks like he's 10!" Kisame said.

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up! Uchiha's are late bloomers!" Itachi screamed wrapping himself up in the lights he couldn't hang.

"You've already bloomed…Itachi." Kisame said.

Zetsu was having some serious pyrotechnic problems.

"So, how do I know when to stop pouring the lighter fluid?" he asked Deidara.

"Hmmm…well the fire's not burning, yeah. So, keep pouring I guess. Then when the wood catches fire, it will be enough, yeah!" You'd think Akatsukis would have more common sense than this…so much for thinking.

The following pool inflatables were floating in the pool: A big alligator, 3 rings, one purple, one blue and one plaid. A flat pink raft, a blue and yellow Corona raft, an inflatable sting ray, a beach ball, an inflatable banana, a blue foam raft and 6 fun noodles. Yes, you could imagine that nearly the entire surface of the pool was covered in pool garb. Once Zetsu ran out of lighter fluid, he went inside to ask Sasori why the fire did'nt light…after all…he had used all the lighter fluid…

"Okay, Deidara, Sasori says I have to put a match to the wood…and why the hell did you put all that stuff in the pool?

"It's the beach Zetsu, yeah! You have to have inflated stuff!" Zetsu rolled his eyes and went back to his fire. Kisame organized the liquor while Itachi went inside to get first dibs on the Dolce and Gabbana shirt Deidara had planned on wearing that night…that was okay…after Deidara would spend 5 minutes cursing at Itachi he would just go steal Itachi's black Prada V-neck shirt (and that pissed Itachi off like nothing else). Zetsu screamed like a 6 year old as he was practically engulfed in flames. However, once he gained control of his fire, he explained to Deidara that you had to use matches…

Sasori was beginning to bring his complete dips outside. However, Sasori noticed that there was a problem….he already had 4 dips made but there were no chips for the dip. Of course, this was Itachi's evil plan because he had every intention of getting his female friends to lick dip off his fingers…screw chips. Sasori of course didn't understand the absence of chips and so he too a break from being the 'dip chef' to go buy chips. Itachi appeared in Deidara's white Dolce and Gabbana shirt and for once he didn't raid Deidara's clothes, instead he wore his own shorts. He sat with Kisame by the pool.

"Why do women not think you're gay? I mean look at you…you're…trendy." Kisame asked Itachi.

"Kisame, I am completely evil and heartless and I have long, shiny black hair…that completely offsets my trendiness." Kisame nodded.

"Good point."

Sasori returned with 13 bags of chips…it was only then that Itachi lost it and screamed at Sasori why there weren't any chips. When we return….it's party time…


	6. Chapter 6 Party Central

"Wow, you all must really like dip!" a most lovely brunette said to Itachi. The party had begun.

"Wanna taste any of it?" He asked, his hands on her shoulders.

"No, that's okay I'm allergic to dip. But, I'll taste you later." She answered. And with that Itachi felt like the party was a success.

"You know, you did a great job on this dip." A very drunk Sasori said to Zetsu.

"Um…Sasori…you made the dip…all the dip." Zetsu said. Sasori laughed hysterically. It was at this point Zetsu figured he should drink more so he could be that delirious. Zetsu decided to get into the incredibly inflatable filled pool and drink. He talked drunk Sasori in to joining him.

"Oh my god! How much had Deidara had to drink?" Kisame asked Itachi.

"He's pretty hammered…of course I'm pretty hammered so you may have to ask me that again tomorrow. Why do you ask?" Itachi questioned opening liquor for his new lady friend.

"Well, he has Sasori's cell phone so I assume that he's calling Orochimaru and talking to either him or Kabuto." Kisame said.

"Oh damn it! Get that phone away from him!" Itachi said. Deidara was laughing like a fool and floating around in the pool with Sasori and Zetsu…it was pretty funny because Deidara was on the Corona raft drinking the hardest of the hard liquor. However, he had forgotten to change before getting into the pool so now his clothes were soaked.

"Kabuto! You stupid bastard! You can't come over, yeah. We're at the beach, yeah! Oh and you know what! I know why you don't wear contacts, yeah! You have astigmatism which makes contact wearing difficult, yeah! Ha! You're screwed, yeah!" It was interesting to hear only one side of the conversation. "What! No! No! Oh you bastard, yeah! Take it back! Take it back! Okay, first off I _am_ a natural blonde you ass hole, yeah! Second Akatsuki is _not_ a club! We're an organization! You're just jealous because you're not cool enough or pretty enough to be in our club, yeah. Shit! Organization! Yeah!"

"Oh man, Deidara's doing the 'angry blonde bitch in a check-out line' routine." Drunk Sasori said.

"The who?" Zetsu asked.

"You've never seen that skit…just watch there's lots of 'fuck you bitch, yeah,' lots of finger zigzagging, and lots of hair flipping. He did this in a checkout line once." Zetsu and Sasori watched Deidara flip out over Kabuto's comment about him not being a natural blonde.

"No! No! Go to hell! You're hair is white, yeah! No! Fuck you bitch, yeah."

"Oh here it comes…" Sasori said. They watched Deidara argue with Kabuto until he got so infuriated that he hung up.

"So which one do you want to talk to? The blonde or the sociopath?" Kisame asked one of the female guests who was standing beside him at the dip table.

"I want to talk to you." She said.

"Excuse me…what?" he asked her. He figured he had drunk too much.

"Well, yeah, you totally look like a shark! Sharks are only my favorite ocean animal! And so Kisame found a great conversationalist for the rest of the evening. Zetsu and Sasori had started making bets at this point as to who Itahci and Dediara would make out with. They were both so drunk they could barely stand…so it was hard to tell.

"Oh my god! I'm blonde…and you're blonde!" she must have been pretty drunk to have said this to Deidara.

"Oh my god! You're right, yeah." Dediara said…with the same drunken shock.

"So what's your name?" she asked.

"Dediara, yeah."

"Oh my god! My name is Danielle! Those both start with a D!" Genius…pure…genius..

"Do you like Play-Doh barber shop?" Deidara asked with one wide blue eye.

"I LOVE Play-Doh barber shop!" she practically screamed. And with that Deidara and…Danielle went off to play Play-Doh barber shop…drunk…

This brings us to the point in the evening where everyone is so drunk that they aren't expecting 'the leader' to call…well…the phone rang and Itachi answered it like an idiot.

"Oh my god! Everyone shut up it's 'the leader'!" he hissed. He still had the same girl wrapped around his hip…that was okay but everyone had to be completely silent.

"Put him on speaker phone." Kisame mouthed to Itachi. So, Itachi put 'the leader' on speaker phone.

"Uh…hi, 'the leader'…..how's it going?"

"Itachi, I'm just calling to check in. How is everything at the house?"

"Things are great…the beach kicks total ass!"

"You moron! You can't say beach to 'the leader'!" Sasori (still pretty trashed) said loudly.

"Good…how are the boys? Is Sasori enjoying the sand? Is Zetsu working on his tan? Did Kiasme visit the botanical garderns yet? Has Deidara gotten his hair stuck in the can opener like he did last summer? Are you getting laid?"

"Uhhh…well…yes, yes, no no and…call me tomorrow morning and I'll tell you all about that last one."

"It sounds like you all are having a great time! I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing. Tell the boys I said hi!" Itachi quickly hung up the phone. The party resumed. The dip was actually a hit…Sasori had a knack for dip making. They partied most of the evening away…oh you can almost feel the hangover already…


	7. Chapter 7 Horribly Hungover

Hey everybody! I'm back in town and I just got a chapter done. Enjoy!

"Oooooh….shhhhhhhit…yeeeeah." Deidara slowly raise his head off the pillow. He brushed the blonde hair from out of his big blue eye and gasped at the sight beside him.

"Oh….my….god…yeah. Did I sleep with you and not offer you an extra pillow, yeah?

"No, you slept with her and gave her the extra pillow." The girl beside him said. Deidara blink like a hundred times and then looked at the other side of him who was still passed out cold and completely naked under the covers.

"Oooooooh….this isn't good, yeah. Was I mean to you? I don't want to be mean, yeah." A _very_ hung over Deidara asked. The girl giggled.

"Oh of course not, I slept with the red head and he kind of passed out in the floor and then the plant guy told me to come in here that you had the big bed. Of course, I'm thinking I should have talked you into sloppy seconds…no one's ever made my friend scream like _that_." The girl said. Deidara acted as if his brain was in maximum overdrive and on the verge of overheating.

"Why do I not remember having really good sex…maybe it was Itachi and not me, yeah?" He said out loud but to himself. The girl heard this.

"Oh no, it was you. When I came in here there was a condom lying in the middle of that black shirt." She said. Deidara looked slowly to where Itachi's shirt was. He laughed maniacally. "That's Itachi's shirt…he can't wear it because it's covered in semen, yeah." He felt so powerful right now. With that Deidara dropped his head back down into his pillow.

Meanwhile in another hung over bedroom Itachi was sitting on the edge of his bed staring blankly at the wall. His hair was less than perfect this morning, he had no idea where his shirt was and he didn't remember going to bed in the boxers he was wearing this morning. At this point he was pissed as hell that the girl he had woken up with was getting dressed and completely not hung over. He didn't understand why this 110 pound female could tolerate liquor better than he could.

"I've never had sex like that…if you weren't so hung over we'd do it again this morning. I'm out and heading to the beach. Let me know if you guys do anything else while you're here." And with that she was gone. Itachi wasn't completely positive what she said. After she had walked over Zetsu, Kisame, and Sasori to leave Itachi stumbled into the kitchen to make extra black extra strong coffee. He began clumsily preparing the coffee filter. It was at this point when two girls completely dressed emerged from Deidara's room. They too went out the door exhausted but not hung over…and one of those girls could barely move her legs. Sharingan began burning in Itahci's eyes as Deidara appeared looking weak and sick as hell. Itachi glared at him.

"What, yeah?" Dediara said sitting on top of Sasori not even seeing him on the couch. Sasori immediately awoke and started thrasing. Deidara ended up in the floor and Sasori was so worked up over being awaken so suddenly that he had to run to the bathroom and throw up.

"Both of them? Both? Two?" Itachi demanded.

"No…just one…Sasori slept with the other one, yeah." Deidara said with his face in the floor and blonde hair spread out everywhere. Sasori returned.

"Oh, fuck…this is the worst fucking hangover I've ever had." Sasori said sitting back on the couch. "Itachi, hurry up with the coffee." Kisame and Zetsu awoke nearly simultaneously.

"Okay…someone fill me in because the last thing I remember is hearing someone screaming 'Oh god, do it harder' and I no fucking clue which room that came from." Kisame said holding his head.

"Man, I can't fill you in because the last thing I remember is laughing my ass off because Sasori was pouring water all over my head…he mistook me for a plant…again."

"Well, the last thing I remember is making out with some girl…she was hot and I couldn't believe she wanted to make out with me and not Deidara." Sasori said.

"Yeah, you slept with her…Dediara's laying on the condom..he's just too much of an idiot to realize it." Itachi said waiting for the coffee to brew. It was then that Deidara flung Sasori's used condom at Itachi…thank god for high dosage rage pills otherwise Deidara may have just died that moment. Deidara had really shitty aim because it landed down the hallway instead. Itachi poured the first cup of coffee and handed it to Sasori. He gave the next cup to Kisame, then Zetsu and finally Deidara rolled over and sat up enough to drink a cup. Itachi stood in the kitchen and drank his cup. Everyone agreed that the day would consist of a lot of headache medicine and very little food…it wasn't like anyone could keep anything down anyway.

"Okay, listen are we going to try and go inland tonight?" Itachi asked.

"Yes." Zetsu answered immediately.

"Yes, we gotta hit the boardwalk." Kisame insisted.

"Yeah, we should but we really really need to go get to bed and sober up like a lot before we try that. God…we're such morons." Sasori said. So it was agreed…lay around and drink coffee all day until the hang over effects wore off…Ah, the akatsukis…so drunk…so hung over…so good at not thinking of the consequences of too much alcohol.


	8. Chapter 8 Killer Moves

16 Tylenol Advanced Strength Formula capsules, and 7 times total throwing up later…our beloved Akatsukis had come out of their hangover and were ready for a night on the boardwalk.

"Zetsu! Is this shirt too tight?" Sasori asked. He looked good…he looked real good. Sasori was dressed in a very skin tight white t-shirt that showed off everything he had and lose fitting jeans.

"No, Sasori…you look hot. If I were into guys I'd make out with you." Sasori must have really looked hot because Zetsu just didn't say things like that…that was Deidara's job. Kisame was dressed as if he hadn't even tried…in jeans and a dark blue t-shirt with a white one underneath it. Of course, Kisame didn't really care because Itachi always picked up the women that could have been his.

"So are you ready for a night of insaneness?" Zetsu asked Kisame.

"Always." Kisame answered…the moron was already drinking even though he had sobered up only a matter of hours ago. Itachi the drama queen came running out of his bedroom.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Deidara! I need you! Get your ass out here now!" Itachi was in pure panic mode…but damn did he look hot. Itachi was wearing nice loose fitting jeans and a black button down shirt…with only one button actually buttoned. He had the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was also wearing a leather band around his wrist (yes, he looked hot). And he was showing the world the top of his…well Deidara's… Calvin Klein boxers. Deidara came running into the living room hearing Itachi's dramatic cries of desperation.

"Itachi! What's wrong, yeah?" Itachi sighed and tried to contain himself.

"Okay…should I put my back off my neck or leave it loose?" _That_ was his problem? Deidara thought really hard for a moment.

"Let it loose, yeah." He finally answered. Itachi gasped.

"You're wearing jeans from Express Mens! Oh my god! You bastard you said we would go there together! I bet they were on sale too, you fucker!" Deidara looked very guilty.

"Yes! Yes! I went without you and yes they were on sale, yeah. I'm sorry…but this was the only 28 x 32 they had, yeah." Deidara sulked…but he looked fucking sexy while he was doing it. He was the opposite of Itachi. He had a white button down shirt…with no buttons buttoned and a black cord necklace that hung no lower than the bottom of his neck. And, since Itachi took his Calvin Klein…Deidara took Itachi's Nautica.

"Okay, so are we ready now?" Kisame asked.

"Yes, yes we're ready." Itachi reassured him taking a final brush through his shiny Pantene quality hair. So they left for the boardwalk. Once they had arrived at the boardwalk, they indeed turned heads…lots of heads. The evening sun was beginning to set and so it was decided it was time to hit the club. The five of them were standing in front of one of the hottest night spots on the beach: "The Green Beast"

"Okay. Why does this name sound so familiar?" Kiasme asked.

"Hmmm…it does doesn't it?" Everyone shrugged it off and walked up to the door. Of course, they had to get by the bouncer.

"Uchiha." Itachi said to the bouncer shaking hands with him and slipping him some money. They're with me. The bouncer eyed everyone and then let them in. Upon entering the club the first thing they heard was Haddaway's _What is Love (baby don't hurt me). _The place was already packed and the décor was quite swank indeed. The five of them looked around.

"Oh my god…look who's at the bar pouring drinks!" Itachi was enraged, sharingan activated an all. It was none other than Kakashi…the five of them immediately went over to the bar.

"Hatake Kakashi!" Itachi screamed at him

"Uchiha Itachi?" Kakashi said calmly.

"Hatake Kakashi!"

"Uchiha Itachi."

"Hatake Kakashi!" Then Kisame slapped Itachi and told him to get over it. "What the hell are you doing here?" Itachi demanded.

"Well, I work the bar and Gai he owns this place, along with his student Rock Lee." Kakashi said calmly mixing up a Long Island Iced Tea. It was then that the five Akatsuki members looked to the dance floor only to find the one and only Maito Gai and Rock Lee breaking out some killer dance moves. "Of course, we figured we needed a female with some nice cleavage to work the door and so since Tsunade is too busy…we brought Kurenai and since she can't go 24 hours without fucking Asuma…he's in on this too. Want something to drink?" Kakashi (still calm) asked.

"Oh I'll have…"

"Shut up!" Itachi cut Deidara off. Itachi was so incredibly pissed off. "That's it…we…the Akatsukis challenge you and your…friends to a dance off. Get you ass out there. Deidara, Kisame, Zetsu, Sasori…come on. Let's show them where it's at!" Itahci said and so they cleared everyone out of the way on the dance floor and waited for the Konoha bunch to gather. So, it was Gai, Rock Lee, Kakashi, Kurenai, and Asuma versus the Akatsukis in an all out dance war.

"Cue music!" Gai sahouted. Everyon in the club was suddenly silent and chose 'sides'.

"Itachi, you're hot…take your shirt off for this." Zetsu said. Of course, once he did this half the room nearly went crazy. And now C & C Music Factory's _Everybody Dance Now._ The music started and Akatsuki danced first.

"Oh my god…where did they get those killer synchronized moves?" Gai asked Kakashi.

"I don't know…maybe that watch that show…'So You Think You Can Dance'."

"Top that." Itachi said flipping black hair back and forth. Konoha took off with some pretty impressive moves.

"Itachi, they're really good…Sasori whispered." And so Akatsuki danced again…and then Konoha….and then Akatsuki…finally it was time for the final dance showdown…the winner…Akatsuki.

"Ha! You got serviced, yeah!" Deidara said doing his snap the fingers flip the hair thing. Itachi held his head in shame.

"You fucking moron…it's YOU GOT SERVED!"

"We have one question…" Gai asked timidly.

"What?" Sasori said.

"Yeah, what?" Zetsu chimed in.

"Where did you all get those wicked moves?"

"Every 6 weeks we learn 27 new pre-choreographed routines…in the event that we're challenged to a dance off. 'The leader' is a great dancer." Itachi said. "Now, Kakashi…I expect you to fix us a strong drink." Itachi said.

Well, this is how the Akatsukis club…until later…


	9. Chapter 9 Outlet Malls and Jellyfish

Hey all I apologize for the freaky formatting. I had to submit this through notepad (long story I'll explain on my profile). Anyway, here ya go!

The next morning Sasori was in the living reading 'Better Homes and Gardens'. Kisame and Zetsu were eating breakfast in the kitchen and trying to watch soccer…of course neither of them understood soccer…they were just trying to be cool.

"So where's sexy and sexier?" Zetsu asked Sasori. Sasori looked up from his article titled 'Making the Most of Your Scented Pine Cones'.

"You're implying that Itachi's the sexier, aren't you?" Sasori asked.

"Yeah." Zetsu said pouring some coffee.

"Well, they went outlet shopping. They insisted on hitting the Kenneth Cole outlet this morning." Sasori said returning to his article.

"So, they'll be back soon won't they?" Kisame asked.

"No, after they hit Kenneth Cole they'll probably go to the Nautica outlet."

"And then they're coming back?" Zetsu asked.

"Hell, no after that you know they won't leave without going to DKNY Men's." Sasori told them. Zetsu and Kisame looked at each other.

"Okay, but even if they go to all those places, won't they be back by noon?" Kisame asked.

"Most likely…no. Because you know you can't keep those two out of Sak's Off Fifth, the discount Sak's Fifth Avenue or Armani Exchange. It's a good thing 'the leader' doesn't get pissed when they go out and spend a shit load of money." Sasori said.

"Damn it, well I'm not waiting on them to get back to go to the beach." Zetsu said.

"Dude, you don't have to, I'll come with you, you don't have to go alone, I know you have issues with being on the beach alone." Sasori said. It was at this point that Sasori picked up his cell phone that he hadn't looked at all weekend. "What the fuck? 37 missed calls?" He started scanning them. "Orochimaru, Orochimaru, Orochimaru, Orochimaru….Orochimaru, Orochimaru…Orochi fuckin maru! God! I am going to kick Dediara's ass. He has called him when he was drunk and now Orochimaru and Kabuto want to call us and try to be cool. God, they are such losers!" Sasori said.  
"Yeah, it's a good thing 'the leader' hates his ass so much. Remember the time Deidara and Itachi maxed their credit limit at Express Men's and they blamed it on Orochimaru? God that was hysterical…'the leader' blamed the fact that Orochimaru likes purple on the folks at Express." Kisame said. Zetsu and Sasori laughed.

"Yeah and remember when I was drunk and I forgot to put the lid on the blender for the bloody mary's?

"Orochimaru!" Everyone said in delightful unison.

"Damn, our ceiling looked like a fucking slaughter house." Zetsu said.

"Okay, let's hit the beach." Sasori said putting his magazine aside.

24 minutes later

"Oh my god! Oh my god! What the fuck do I do! I stepped on a fucking jellyfish! Oh god it burns! It's burning! You sorry ass fucker! Oh my god!" Kisame was completely spazzed at this point. The three of them had walked onto the beach and didn't completely pay attention where they were walking and Kisame stepped right on a super stingy jelly fish.

"Okay, calm down…we'll de-jelly you!" Sasori proclaimed. "Zetsu! Get…get….uuuuh…get some sun block!" Sasori demanded. Kisame was now lying in the sand.

"Right!" Zetsu said running off to get sun block from a tourist. He came back and slathered the sting up in sun block…it was an unusual way of handling things.

"Alright, Kisame, breathe, breathe…that's it breathe! Zetsu! I need…I need….uuuuummmm…oh! Ice from a cooler! Hurry!" Dr. Sasori said.

"Ice from a cooler, got it!" And Zetsu hurried off to get a beach goer to give him their cooler. He promptly returned and Sasori poured ice all over Kisame's stung sun block covered foot.

"Any better?" Sasori asked.

"Yeah, it's hurting less." Kisame said.

"Okay, well finally I need…calamine lotion!" Sasori declared and Zetsu ran off to find calamine lotion. It's hard to imagine that a tourist would have calamine lotion and that they would actually give it to a guy with a plant head….but nonetheless Zetsu took it back to Sasori. Sasori smeared it all over Kisame.

"There, how's that?" Sasori asked.

"Aaaah, much better. Sasori, you know your stuff." Kisame said. Even though Sasori's jelly fish sting treatment was…questionable he was able to get Kisame to stop yelling.

"Okay, Kisame you stay here on the beach, Zetsu, you, me, ocean now." Sasori said. They had drug the rafts from the pool down to the ocean with them. Zetsu had the pink raft and Sasori had the blue one. They were floating over the waves keeping an eye on Kisame.

"Is it really smart to use that cell phone out here in the waves?" Zetsu asked Sasori.

"If something happens to it, first I'll blame Deidara because you know…I can, then Deidara will blame Orochimaru then 'the leader' will collect the insurance on this one, then poof! New Motorola Pink RAZR phone!" Sasori said.

"Aaah, so you have it all planned? Smart man Sasori." Zetsu slapped hands with Sasori.

"Do you think 'the leader' will ever catch on that it's really us doing the stupid shit all the time?" Zetsu asked.

"No, he's knows Deidara is a complete dumbass and that Itahci is overly dramatic and that Kisame is constantly breaking stuff and that you sometimes spill household cleaners and that I lose shit….so I'd say we are completely covered." Sasori reassured him. Sasori and Zetsu didn't notice what was happening behind them…a massive wave was forming and getting ready to break right over them. Zetsu looked up.  
"Sasori….Sasori….Oh shit! Sasori….hurry! Swim!" Zetsu said as they both paddled furiously into shore. They were too late…the giant wave broke right over them sending them into sand and seaweed…so much for the cell phone… 


	10. Chapter 10 Emotional Itachi

"Something is terribly wrong." Kisame said. Sasori sighed.

"Did Deidara confuse coffee and cappuccino again?" Sasori asked.

"No, no that's not it…this is much more serious. I know it's our last day at the beach and everything and I know that Itachi and Deidara spent around $3400 dollars at the outlet mall yesterday…but I just heard Itachi compliment Deidara on his hair." Kisame blinked like 50 times. Everyone else stared at him in utter horrow.

"I…ita…ita…Itachi NEVER compliments Deidara on his hair. He would never admit that Deidara actually has nicer hair sometimes. You're right we have to do something." Sasori started to get up.

"No, no Sasori….there's more. They are both in the bathroom with the door closed listening to my Paula Abdul mix tape…" Kisame was still in a dumbfounded state.

"Oh shit…you don't think they're experimenting…with salon wax again do you?" Sasori asked.

"Fuck no…the last time they did that Deidara cried for 47 minutes and Itachi nearly ripped his eyebrows off." Zetsu said.

"You have a Paula Abdul mix tape?" Sasori questioned.

"Yeah, 'the leader' made it for me. I use it when I work out." Kisame answered.

"The leader does make good mix tapes." Zetsu said.

"Okay, okay…we have a situation. Itachi is never complimentary to Deidara….guys…we're going in there." Kisame said. The three of them approached the bathroom door only to here the chorus of Paula Abdul's 'Straight Up'.

"I normally do crunches to this song." Kisame said. Sasori tentatively opened the door. It was worse than any of them had expected…

"Holy shit…it's like what 10:30 in the morning?" Zetsu said. What they found was Deidara and Itachi cutting tags off $3400 dollars worth of new clothes. What they also found was Itachi a very very very drunk and emotional Itachi.

"What the hell are you two doing in here? Why is he so drunk?" Sasori demanded.

"Oh Danna…I bet you're wondering about the mix tape, yeah?" Itachi at this point was crying…no bawling on Deidara's shoulder. But no one could say another word.

"Deidara! Deidaaaaara! I love you man! I mean you are like….my hottest friend!" Itachi had to stop talking because he was crying too hard. "I…I…I…I…I hang out with Kisame and he…he…he…he…he…I'm just so much better looking then him!" Itachi dried some more.

"Did you let him into that Bailey's Irish Crème…you know he does this every time he hits the Irish crème!" Zetsu said. At this point Itachi was squeezing the hell out of Deidara and Deidara was patting his back vigorously to try and get him to stop crying all over him.

"Deidara! Deidara….you…you can wear my Ralph Lauren jeans….they…they…they fit you better anyway." Itachi wailed. Deidara looked a little perplexed. Itachi caught sight of his three friends taking in the sight in the bathroom. They couldn't figure out how Itachi had gotten Deidara into the bathroom…they assumed Itachi was going to kick Dediara's ass for taking the last condom and it somehow turned into this fiasco.

"Oooooh Zetsu! Zetsu! You're such a good friend! All those good times we've had." And then he started crying harder.

"Sasori! Ooooooh Sasori! You…you...you…you have always been there for me…when Deidara is being an idiot! And you're a great cook!" Itachi's eyes were blood red from crying and his cheeks were bright pink…damn he was really drunk.

"Kisaaaaaaame! My partner! My friend! Ooooh, Kisaaaaaaame…hold me….you're so cool…and…and…and…you're right I shouldn't always hide the condoms from Deidar ...and my brother is small for his age…and my mom was definitely hot…and…and…and….ooooooh Kisaaaame, I love you like the brother I hate!"

"Okay, Itachi. You're just very emotional now. Why don't you go lay down and rest and when you wake up you'll be insanely jealous of Deidara and you'll want those jeans back." Zetsu said unclasping Itachi from Kisame and talking to him like he was 5. Zetsu kept talking to Itachi and led him down the hall to put him to bed. Deidara stopped Kisame's mix tape.

"You're sober…start explaining." Sasori said.

"Well Danna, Itachi found his black Prada shirt and I told him he might need some stain stick for that, yeah. Itachi got pissed as usual and took his rage pill, yeah. Then he went to the fridge because he got even more pissed when he went into the bathroom and discovered that I used the last condom, yeah. So, he got out the Bailey's and started screaming at me, yeah. I don't know why you didn't hear it, yeah. Then he told me I don't look good in red but I think I do look good in red but he says that red should only be worn in the winter and I said that I like wearing red during the fall months and he said that red changes my skin tone that I'm more of a cool tone and that red makes it…

"Deidara!" Kisame and Sasori yelled

"Oh yeah, Itachi, okay. Then after that he started crying and he put on this mix tape and closed the door, yeah. Then he asked me if I wanted to cut tags off our clothes and he was still crying, yeah. Then you 3 showed up!" Kisame and Sasori looked at each other. They heard the door close and Zetsu came back down the hall. They shrugged their shoulders.

"Yeah that sounds like something Itachi would do." Kisame said and Sasori agreed. "Hey let's all go to the beach and let him sober up." Everyone agreed…it was the first time on the trip Deidara got to wear swim trunks that he packed in his suitcase without Itachi getting to them first… 


	11. Chapter 11 McDonald's

After reading this….you'll laugh every time you go to McDonald's…

"Let me be the co pilot! I want to read the map, yeah! Besides, Itachi got us lost too much." Deidara whined. Yes, it was time to go back home, Oddly, Kisame won the 'nicest tan' contest which was strange considering he was….blue…. Everyone was reluctant to let Deidara co pilot, but it was true Itachi had really screwed up and Dediara had a tendency to always read the maps upside down, but Zetsu was behind the wheel and it was his call…

"Fine, but don't spill coal all over me like you did the last time you were co pilot!" Deidara was overjoyed. They had spent half the morning loading the van, which was more of a challenge this time since Itachi and Deidara had purchased so many clothes that the bags took up all the space where all the other stuff used to be. But, nonetheless everybody crammed in the van and they were off toward home.

"So, did you see the gift I got 'the leader'?" Sasori asked.

"Yes, it's stupid, where the hell did you get that? And who the hell wants a welcome mat that says 'leave your worries behind'?" Itachi said.

"Well, you know 'the leader' likes tacky shit!" Sasori said. Kisame laughed.

"Yeah, remember the time I got him a set of lawn gnomes? Or the time Deidara brought him back 4 boxes of salt water taffy? He went crazy over that!"

"Oh my god! I thought he was gonna flip the time Itachi came back with one of those t-shirts that makes you look like you're wearing a bikini, you know it's got the bikini screen print on it? That was so stupid and yet he loved it!" Sasori said.

"Okay, Deidara do I go left or right to get on the interstate?" Zetsu asked, approaching a fork in the road. Deidara looked at the map.

"Um…you go…you…well…"

"Deidara!" Zetsu yelled running out of time to make a decision.

"Um…um, um. Um. You go left! No, right! Yeah! No, Shit! Wait! Left! Left! Left! No! No! No! Right! Right! Right! Riiiiiight! Yeah! Wait…."

"Deidara you fucking moron decide!" Zetsu was down to the last second and cars were honking everywhere as he dodged in and out of lanes.

"Left! Left! Left! Go left, yeah!" And so Zetsu swerved left nearly killing everyone. After that horrific incident of terror was over Deidara didn't need to give any more directions for a while.

By 12:40, everyone decided that they were starving and that Zetsu still rode the breaks too much.

"Where do you want me to stop?" Zetsu asked. Everyone looked around and fortunately they were approaching an exit with the following choices: Waffle House, Captain D's, Wild Bill's BBQ Shack, House of Hunan, and McDonald's and since everybody knows that McDonald's has a monopoly on everyone...well they went there and it was probably a huge mistake that Zetsu got in the drive-thru line. It should be made known that Akatsukis were not the best at drive-thurs. In the past 3 years they had successfully pissed off approximately 42 drive-thru attendants…today would be no exception…

"Oh! I want to order, yeah!" Deidara proclaimed. Before Zetsu could say anything otherwise, Deidara had pounced into his lap and was hanging blonde hair out the driver's side window.

"Uuuh! That's not a problem Deidara, your knee jammed between my crouch doesn't hurt anything…your other knee in my thigh doesn't hurt either." Zetsu said more than sarcastically.

"Hi, welcome to McDonald's! Would you like to try a spicy chicken breast filet, today?" The bubbly attendant asked.

"Uuuum….well, how spicy is it, yeah? Have you tried it? Would you recommend it, yeah?"

"Well…" The attendant began but was cut off.

"Oh! I think we want a number 2….no…no we don't want a number 2. Which number is most popular, yeah?"

"Sir, it's really…" Deidara cut her off again.

"Okay, uuuum…I would like a large diet coke…no, no a super size diet coke, yeah. Wait…Danna, what do you want?" So far Deidara had ordered one item and there were four cars lined up behind them.

"Sir, I really need for you to…" Deidara once again didn't let her finish.

"Okay, we're good, yeah. Okay, I'd like one number 3 super size…wait no, no no super size on that, yeah."

"So, yeah you want it super size?" the attendant asked.

"No, no yeah."

"Sir, is that yes or no?" It's at this point that Zetsu screamed no to the attendant. The traffic was now backed up to the street.

"Okay, one number 2, one BigMac for Kisame and he would like large fries with that, yeah. Okay, and that's not all. We also need a number 6…wait no….2 number sixes and oh! We'll try one of those spicy chicken sandwiches, yeah. But wait, can we get that with no lettuce, yeah? Oh, okay and we need one quarter pounder with cheese but no mustard just ketchup and the BigMac…no sauce, yeah." Cars began honking angrily at the AKTSUKI van. "Okay, I also would like that diet coke that I mentioned earlier, a super size lemonade…" the attendant cut Deidara off for once.

"Sir, we don't have lemonade here."

"Oh ok, hold on…Itachi, they don't have lemonade, yeah." Deidara said.

"Who the fuck doesn't have lemonade? Fucking McDonald's that's who! Ok I'll take Hi-C orange!" Itachi bitched.

"Okay, I'm back yeah. I'll take a medium Hi-C Orange…" Itachi cut Deidara off.

"No! A large you moron!" Itachi screamed.

"No, no no…make that a large Hi-C Orange, a medium water…wait, yeah, a super size…wait Danna do you want super sizing on that?"

"Well…okay." Sasori answered. No one in the van seemed to care that this order had already taken 10 minutes.

"Okay, yeah so yes super sizing on the water, a medium regular coke no super size, and a large iced tea sweetened with no ice." Deidara flipped back across Zetsu's lap satisfied with their order…the attendant didn't even read it back to them.

"You know, that's the fastest we've ever made up our mind in a drive thru!" Kisame said.

And this concludes the Akatsuki beach trip…until next year when they do it again. But until that time comes…there are many more experiences to be had by the super evil organization…


End file.
